‘Twas the night before joint replacement surgery when all through the house,
There wasn’t a rug to be tripped on, not even a computer mouse.
Casseroles, stews and soups were tucked in the freezer with care,
Knowing that post-op me, soon would ravage in there.
The hospital overnight bag was packed in a flash,
Did I forget socks? Or finish downloading MAS*H?
Showered and in clean sheets, it was time for bed,
Visions of surgical masks and hospital gowns danced in my head.
When out down the hall, I arose to such a clatter,
I (slowly) got out of bed to see what was the matter.
The walker I pre-ordered had tumbled down the stairs,
A bad omen? A sign of caution? Stop it! Who cares!
Could I sneak a hot tea or maybe cheese and crackers?
Why at night, do I want to snack like a linebacker?
Back in bed, I thought of all that surgery prep,
Countless appointments and prehab–all to take that first step.
Would it hurt? And how would my recovery be?
Block out those thoughts! Come on’! You’re getting a new hip or knee!
This artificial joint will offer a new lease on life,
But there’d be no excuse to ditch boring plans, the man or wife.
I bid a final farewell to arthritis and joint pain,
I hope insurance covers this, they better make it rain ($$).
In my final act I opened Facebook, simply to write—
“Happy joint replacement eve all, and to all a good night!”
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